What My Heart Speaks

Alive yet wounded
A cub called to be a lioness
A child yet mature
Feeling so torn
Equipped yet feeling so unequipped
Not wanting to go...almost whining

These were my thoughts as I entered in tonight. I went to Visions for the end of some teaching time and the beginning of an IHOP worship time. I was feeling weary. Knowing that God has annointed me. Knowing that He is with me. Yet I felt a break, somehow. Uncertain. Praise the Lord for He is good. There was a time of ministry, where I recieved some prophetic words. To say these Godly men and woman were right on, is an understatement. They were hearing from the Lord, very directly, words for me. Things that ministered to my very core. They prayed for hearing, freeing, joy...
I left that room and I found a quiet place and I began to weep. A realization that accusation had come against me. It had wounded my spirit. It had struck me in my innermost being. While I was aware of it, I was unaware of its depth. It caused a break. I knew things were being restored. I could feel the Spirit moving and healing. I desired prayer, so I went to the ones that had spoken the prophetic words and asked for prayer. They prayed, they blessed, I prayed, I released, forgave, I blessed. God worked.
As I went from that place of prayer I went back to the main worship area. The Spirit was moving. I entered into worship. I connected with my Lord. I danced at His throne. I rejoiced. I wept. I wept for I know He has annointed me to do much for His Kingdom. And I am left with a choice. For He has given me a choice. I can obey. Or I can walk away. I can enter into an unknown and new territory. He can use me. I can give Him control. I can let the Spirit flow through me. Or I can quench it. Most of me wants to live in the Spirit. Some of me wants to hold back and let things be as they are. Yet most of me knows that what He has is always going to be better than anything I could imagine. Some of me is content with the now. Most of me is excited about the possibilities. Some of me is fearful of how it will be perceived. Yet I will not claim that fear. I will hold onto the promise that He is with me, He will guide me.

I am alive, the wound is healed.
I am a lioness called to be bold.
I can be goofy as a child yet act with maturity
Feeling refreshed
Equipped yes I am equipped
Wanting to enter in