On the surface things in my life are great. I am achieving goals. Workouts have been great and my eating controlled. There are things that are going really really well. And then, just under the surface a pot is brewing. Feeling like a failure in different areas of my life. And there are things that don't seem to be going well at all.
So over the last 4 days I have had a few break downs. Bawling. Sorting through how I really feel. Trying to get to the true root of things. Discussions with my hubby and the kids. And crying some more. Yesterday at church I sat in my car (30 degrees mind you) for an hour not going into church. When I finally went in I was an emotional wreck and was unable to teach my class. I am sure many saw a side of me rarely seen. A casual "How are you doing?" Resulted in tears.
How am I doing? Well, today I would say I am much much better. I think I got a lot of junk out that I have been burying down deep, trying to ignore. I let the Lord minister to me during the church service and I think he finally broke through. We were singing the song, "Oh no, you never let go, through every high and every low, oh no, you never let go, Lord, you never let go of me." And I know its true, he has never once, even for a second let go of me. Yet I have slipped away at times. I have said to him as I would say to my kids, "Hold on a second, I will get to that in a little bit." During the service I was reminded of a time in my life when I was completely broken. And God got a hold of me and I sobbed and I sobbed at that time to the point of snot streaming out of my nose. And I remember thinking at that time, "I need to get this junk out." I thin that was what yesterday was for me, getting the junk out.
Today is a new day. I can work out some of the details that cause me stress. I am not left completely out of control. I can lean more on Christ. I can take action where action is needed. I can praise him in all things, whether good or bad. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.