A couple months ago my church did a series on hurts, habits and hang-ups. Birthed out of the foundations of Celebrate Recovery, a program that bases it eight recovery principles off of the beatitudes. It began in California at Saddleback Church and has branched out all over the United States. The truth is, the church is a mess. We have addictions to porn, drugs, alcohol... We have gluttons, adultery, rage... We have laziness, jelousy, greed... We have the overweight, the underweight. We have flesh issues. Yes, we have issues of the flesh. I am not exempt. I have gone in seasons of triumph and seasons of defeat.
Growing up I was thin, as some would say, pencil thin. I was a noodle. I had little meat on my bones. So much so that it was a concern for my parents. I would sit down to eat as a 5 year old, eat a couple tablespoons of food and be "full." I know what it is like to be underweight. I remember in high school just wanting to gain weight, to have more muscle. I also remember when I achieved it, thinking "If I stayed this weight my entire life, I would be happy, this is right for me." I got married, I gained some weight. Thickened out, and some would say I needed it. I got pregnant with our first and actually lost 15 pounds in the first trimester due to morning sickness, extreme morning sickness. I put it back on by the time the baby was born but I lost all again while breastfeeding. So much so that people were concerned again. "Are you eating?" they would ask. And I was, I was eating double what I normally would yet I was nearly 30 pounds UNDER my ideal. I weaned. Got pregnant again, miscarried. Got pregnant again and gained. Had the baby and maintained a healthy weight. I weaned and continued to eat as if eating for two. Pounds were added. I had no self control in eating. If it was good, I ate until I could eat no more. When eating out, I would finish the entire entree, even if I was full with a portion. Let's not even talk about healthy foods. I have been failing terribly. It is no surprise that I have gained. That I am more than what is ideal for me. Because along with eating more, I have been moving less. Growing up I was active. I enjoyed being outside. I marched, competed in sports...physical. As in moving. Which I do move, but not nearly as much as I should.
Overall, my physical body has not been a huge struggle in my life. I have had seasons. Seasons of victory, seasons of weakness and seasons of good enough. It has not been something that Satan really has a stronghold in my life. No he has other areas of life in mind for me. Such as sickness. In pregnancy, I struggled with sickness. Today if Satan wants to knock me down he will first try to make one of us sick. Irritating but not necessary. He also tried to tempt me with sleep. A few more minutes he will whisper. Or is that my flesh...hmmm. Most likely it is my flesh saying, "come on, just a little more sleep.""You deserve it!" "Just until the kids wake up." "You need 8 hours to function so you better get a little bit more." Yup that sounds like my flesh. Sounds all to familiar. Sounds a bit lazy. Sounds like a stronghold.
And let's just throw in a little bit of ungodly rage. Momzilla, the moments when I am less than kind with my words. Taking a tone that brings tears, unnecessarily. Guilty. . Again a flesh issue. I could exhibit self-control. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Today as I listened to disk 2 from the How to Achieve your physical goals I am struck with the first step.
1. Admit you have a problem. Honesty. Being honest with myself.
Here it is, I am a glutton, lazy. I lack self control in eating. I say sleep more than I say get up. I have moments of rage. Or shall I say...was. I was these things. I struggled with these things but I will no longer. I see what needs to be changed and I will allow the Holy Spirit to work out that change. For greater is he that is IN ME than that piece of cake. Greater is he that is in me than those few moments of sleep. Greater is He that is in me than the desire to yell to be heard. For He is in me and He is greater than me. He is my guide and my help. But he can only do what I allow him to do. So today I choose to admit that I need his help, that I can not do it alone. And that I believe that WE can do it.
We have only just begun in Operation Can but what a difference I can already see in my perception of things. I have woke up three days in a row when I was suppose to without going back to sleep. I have brought healthy foods into the home and I am choosing to eat them. I have restrained from those things that are not going to bring life. Yesterday, I yelled at the kids, unnecessarily. Today I will take that into perceptive when I say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Because I believe, nothing is impossible for me.
And you know what, I believe in you too. Nothing is impossible for you, if you believe.